I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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