Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
