i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
