If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
