drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
