Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
