$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
