I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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