I've blown a few things in my day
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am naked and annoyed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
