My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
