I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
