..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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