i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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