Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
