The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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