WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
