What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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