so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
