I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
