i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
