Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
