did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Come see our sink grown plant.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
