yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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