Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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