We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
