I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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