I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
