Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
