I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
