Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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