my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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