please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
