put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
