debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
