do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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