We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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