Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
