Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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