yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
