she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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