i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will pee on everything he values.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
