Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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