yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
