He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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