You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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