I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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