His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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