I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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