omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
