Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
