Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
