dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
