This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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