No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I want her autograph on my taint
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
