Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
