He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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