sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize