please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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