it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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