No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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