you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
