Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
