god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
