how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
