hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize