Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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