I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had to cum in my sink.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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