Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
