someone threw a dead crab at me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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