Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
