He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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