I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
