Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
