You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
